I was having a great conversation this morning with my boss at work (I have a day job if you didn't know) and we were chatting about social events, work events and generally how in our roles (mine both in the music industry and in my day job role), we generally talk to a lot of people. Now if you've seen me livestream or play live you might notice I'm not the best at words when speaking... I get really flustered talking and trying to make my point come across well without going into lots of tangents or trying to find the right words. It's become more of a struggle in my adult life for some reason and I get social anxiety around it. But then when I get on stage and sing, not an issue. I obviously get the standard nerves because I really care about my performance but as soon as I relax into the set I feel like I'm flying and it's nothing like the social anxiety I experience at say a meeting with new people.
I think, in part, I melt away into a persona, the person who lives inside the songs I create. It's still me but another version of me, a much cooler and more confident version! It might surprise some people who have seen me live but I am an introvert with a very short social battery and high anxiety! But performing music and sharing my songs and stories with people feels so easy and natural. There's just something about it that feels like home and I'm extremely lucky to have all of you to share that little home with.
But the thing is my boss was surprised to learn all this. She said you'd never tell and maybe that's because I mask it. If I'm in a new environment and talking to new people I feel so out of my comfort zone, it's like a dot in the distance! Maybe the fact I perform helps me mask it or maybe it's just practise from deciding not to let myself sit in my comfort zone and become even more introverted than I already am.
And I suppose that's the whole point of this ramble. To inspire any fellow introverts not to sit in their cosy, stranger-free bubble. Because you might just meet your best friend by exiting that bubble and chatting to a stranger. Growth isn't always comfortable but it is always worth trying. That doesn't just involve introverts, that's for anyone looking to level themselves up and do something that scares them. Make yourself uncomfortable and get out there because trust me, it's worth it! If I hadn't done it I wouldn't be singing...